In the aftermath of a painful and bitter divorce, Joan was suffering from such intense negativity and anger, she was in constant turmoil, her health was suffering and she was in danger of losing her job. Recently Joan’s closest friend had ‘abandoned her’, unable to endure the intractable dark cloud.
It seems that Jake, Joan’s husband of twelve years, had become a meth addict, successfully hiding this from her for several years. Jake had become increasingly secretive and detached from her and their children. He’d also become ever more verbally abusive toward Joan.
One day she discovered that he’d somehow managed to burn through $230,000 of equity in their property! The money had gone for drugs, and as she found out later, expensive prostitutes. She learned that he’d been cheating on her for years!
When she eventually filed for divorce, Jake aggressively contested it, forcing her to spend $40,000 on legal fees. As a terrible side note, the day Joan filed for divorce, her mother died unexpectedly!
Over the course of five sessions, we tapped away most of Joan’s bitterness, hurt and rage toward Jake, along with the unresolved grief over her mother’s death – grief that was contaminated by feelings of guilt, rejection and abandonment.
Joan quickly regained her composure and sense of humor and was able to mostly turn away from the past and begin building a new life.
About a year later, Joan came back. She was happy about letting go of the past, but told me that every month she had to deal with Jake around the child support money. She said it was routinely awful. He’d bicker over petty expenses, blame her for all of his problems and verbally abuse her, on the phone and through nasty letters.
Despite the progress she’d made, Joan felt vulnerable to these attacks and re-traumatized every month. She wanted to “get him out of my system once and for all”, and so we launched into a follow up session.
About halfway into that session, I had a very strong intuition that we should try some surrogate tapping on Jake. At first Joan was aghast, and extremely reluctant to try it, but finally agreed to give it a shot. I had her start by visualizing Jake near the beginning of their marriage, when things were still sweet. She said she had a very clear picture of him in mind.
With surrogate EFT, we tap as if we really are the recipient, with the goal of relieving their suffering. It’s a bit like prayer in that sense.
Once Joan had a clear connection with Jake, in her mind’s eye, I led her through a long round of tapping, that became increasingly negative. For me, energetically, it was like being in a cloud of black smoke from a burning tire!
“Even though I, Jake, absolutely hate Joan, and blame her for everything, and wish her nothing but harm, I still deeply and completely accept myself”
“Even though I’m living in a dark cloud of negativity, anger, rage and hatred for Joan, and it’s all her fault I started using drugs in the first place….”
“Even though I HATE Joan, and it’s all her fault and I’m miserable being in this dark cloud of negativity….”
Then we tapped with these reminder phrases: “I hate Joan…it’s all her fault…I want her to suffer…I’m trapped in this dark cloud…I’m so angry and bitter….I blame everything on her…I’m miserable and it’s all her fault…she’s a total bitch and I hate her…she told on me to my family….I wish she was dead…I’m so bitter and lost…”
This horrible round of tapping went on and on and on. I had my eyes closed but at times Joan seemed to have a significant shift, with gasps, sighs, and exclamations. Something big was happening. Something profound for her at least.
When it was finally over and we opened our eyes, she reported seeing everything in the room very vividly, as though everything was radiating an intense light. She felt it as a spiritual experience unlike anything she’d ever felt before.
I have to admit I myself was reeling a bit, and had no idea what to make of Joan’s report. But when she came back the next week, she was beaming! She said “He wasn’t nice, but he was civil. He just handed me the check. There was no quibbling over expenses, no put downs, no verbal abuse. You can’t imagine what an incredible change this was”
For the first time in two years, he’d simply paid her what she asked, with no nasty note or angry phone call. For Joan this was overwhelming evidence of success. She was ecstatic.
Helping Jake release at least some of his horrible energy, after having let go of most of her own negativity toward him, seemed to help Joan shift into an alternate universe with a much better version of Jake. A wonderful example of Hacking Reality!
Copyright Rob Nelson 2022
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