“Jane” was an inspired human potential trainer and well loved by her students - what few she had. She had a real problem filling up her seminars and none of the marketing advice from all of the marketing gurus ever seemed to work for her. She knew there had to be some kind of inner block to being successful.
We began with simple tapping, focusing on her feelings of frustration, failure, disappointment and anxiety around income. And as we tapped, as so often happens, a familiar but seemingly unrelated memory surfaced. Jane had no idea why it was coming to mind now, for this issue.
In 7th grade, Jane had a science teacher she really liked. One day he announced an important class assignment. Each student must make an insect collection – the kind where the bugs are stuck on pins with a little label beneath. This would be the major basis for their grades and they had six weeks to complete it.
The kids were given instructions on how to ‘collect’ their insects - putting them in a glass jar with cotton balls soaked with nail polish remover. The fumes would kill the insects without damaging them.
Jane’s first (and only) bug was a common house fly. She’d killed lots of flies over the years, clapping them with her hands or whacking them with a fly swatter. This was totally different. Instead of a quick death, the fly in the jar took about 20 minutes to die and seemed to be suffering horribly.
And that was that. No way would she’d ever do that again. The fly was bad enough, but the thought of putting a beautiful butterfly in the jar? Out of the question.
But Jane had no explanation for this. It felt wrong, but it never occurred to her that her feelings might be valid, or defensible. She simply stopped working on the project and didn’t tell anyone.
Back at school her teacher kept encouraging his students to do a great job. They mustn’t procrastinate. The goal was to collect at least 25 insects and he emphasized again and again that this project would determine their grade for the class.
Jane had always been a good student. Now she was feeling more and more anxious, desperate and hopeless as the weeks went by. The pressure became unbearable. She really liked and admired her science teacher and imagined his disappointment in her. She felt absolutely doomed.
Amazingly, just a few weeks before the project was due, Jane’s parents announced that the family was moving to another state. Her dad had been transferred and they’d be leaving immediately, before the end of the school term. She was off the hook.
Although this gave Jane vast relief, it also meant that the issue never came to light and was never resolved. Jane went out of her way to avoid another situation like this, and somehow managed to graduate from high school and university without ever taking a biology class.
That was the memory that showed up, but now, forty years later, what did any of that have to do with Jane’s workshop attendance?
Using Matrix Reimprinting I had Jane step into the scene and connect with her 12 year old younger self, who was watching the death throes of the fly. We tapped on this girl’s feelings of intense disgust, horror, and guilt, along with her fear of failing the science class and disappointing her teacher and parents.
As the tapping calmed the young girl, Jane validated her feelings, giving her new information that there are a lot of good people who feel the same way - there’s even a group called ‘anti-vivisectionists’ who believe that science should respect life. This was news to her younger self. She’d felt like such a freak.
With Matrix we always ask the younger self what they learned or decided during whatever traumatic scene we find them in. Our 12 year old surprised us with a very clear decision: “If you have principles then you are doomed to failure.”
This revelation was a shock to Jane, like something long hidden, yet instantly familiar. Was this belief the real block to her success? Why did the 12 year old make that decision? Now an even earlier memory began surfacing.
When Jane was seven her father was the accountant for a local business. The owner of the company fired her dad when he refused to “cook the books.” Their family was ultimately forced to move away from their beautiful home and small town community. As a child Jane experienced this as a devastating loss for her family.
Again, the message was clear: “Having principles dooms you to failure.”
After a little more tapping, Jane’s 12 year old self was feeling much better. We asked her how she’d like the picture to change – immediately the scene shifted and the girl was telling her mother about her ethical dilemma.
Her mother’s response was wonderfully supportive. She was actually very proud of her daughter and the 12 year old’s sudden rush of relief and happiness flooded into Jane and put a brilliant smile on her face. She said “I’m actually feeling my younger self’s feelings! She’s so happy!”
With her mother’s help, Jane’s 12 year old was able to type up a note to her teacher, explaining her opposition to harming the insects. She created an alternative project with carefully drawn insects and labels. In our new picture she’d won first place, blue ribbon and all. And she’d won because of her ethical stance. She was absolutely beaming with pride and success.
Reimprinting this scene brought Jane wonderful feelings, but also a new awareness of how she’d been sabotaging herself. “Having principles dooms you to failure” implies that successful people must have sacrificed their principles and integrity.
Jane was embarrassed to realize she’d been unfairly judging her more successful peers and colleagues. Any kind of marketing approach had conjured up the specter of a sleazy used car salesman for her. Her subconscious mind had been working overtime to keep students away, protecting her from real success with its perceived loss of integrity.
The wait was over
With wonderful clarity she realized the Universe had been waiting patiently for her to jettison her resistance to success, and now the wait was over.
Copyright 2019 Rob Nelson
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